Begin in a nexus state, continue in a nexus state
Suppose you have difficulty doing certain tasks – say, household chores. If you can find your nexus state at any time, you should be able to begin the difficult tasks. Then, stick to tasks that are not sink states until you are done with those tasks. For example, if you find that you wake up every morning in a nexus state, and you want to do some household chores, start doing the chores first thing in the morning. Do them for a significant amount of time – certainly at least one hour, but preferably more – before taking a break. This will establish the chores as an open loop. Then, try to avoid spending too much time in sink states until the chores are done. Sink states will “poison” your progress by turning into open loops themselves.
In looking for a nexus state, keep in mind that nexus states don’t necessarily present themselves as having strong emotions or a powerful sense of agency. You may not know you are in a nexus state until you try to do something hard, and you succeed.
Leaving a state open
If you want to come back to a task (such as getting work done in the morning, and wanting to continue work in the evening), it helps to leave a state open. Thus, rather than completing a task before lunch, leave the task incomplete, then pick it up after lunch. Don’t leave the work task open for three days and expect to come back to it – presumably, after a sufficient amount of time, you will cease to care about the open state, and it will close.
The multiple arrow exercise
When you have a moment, as you are aware of being trapped in a sink state, address the different arrows mentioned above. One by one, examine how you might apply each arrow to your situation. For example:
- Name your current emotions. Try out different names until it feels right.
- Note the sensations in your body.
- Make an argument about what you can’t control.
- Suggest that you can’t know everything.
- Think of a book or movie that addresses your current narrative.
- Accept yourself; tell yourself that you are worthy of love.
You can also perform an imaginal exposure where you imagine yourself being trapped in a sink state (being afraid, sad, or angry) and build arrows from there.
It is likely that a significant amount of time must be put into the exercise before you arrive at a nexus state. It is almost certain that you will need to cycle through the above states multiple times; although you may feel slightly better after only a single cycle.
Finally, check and see if you are now in a nexus state. Do something that is ordinarily difficult to do when you are in a sink state. If it doesn’t work, you may repeat this exercise another time.
Find your signs of success
I’ve noticed that I give out an involuntary sigh of relief when I renarrativize myself in a positive way. This has served as my sign that I am going in the right direction. Daniel Hill’s book Affect Regulation Theory mentions this sigh as a way of knowing that you have correctly named your emotions. I am not sure that this approach will work for everyone, but if you can find signs that show you are gaining agency and having useful insights, then those signs will be useful guideposts.
Vocabulary
- Imaginal exposure: In Exposure Therapy, a purely imaginary exposure to something feared. In Nexus State Theory, I would include sink states other than fear as well (sadness, anger, etc.)
Nexus State Theory 