Here are some examples from the book Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, edited by O’Donohue and Fisher [1].
Chapter 2: Acceptance. Herbert et al. argue that we would do well to accept our distressing emotions: “more pervasive and enduring improvements in suffering and quality of life may result from accepting, rather than attempting to change, one’s distressing subjective experience.”
Story
Version 1: The Blame Game
Elliot sat in his small apartment, the blank page on his desk mocking him. He felt the familiar knot of anxiety tightening in his chest. “If only I were more disciplined,” he thought, spiraling into a cycle of self-blame. He scolded himself for not sticking to a routine, for not being “good enough.”
Determined to fix his anxiety, he set a strict schedule, vowing to write at least ten pages a day. But each time he tried, the anxiety only grew. He became frustrated, berating himself for failing yet again. Hours turned into days, and his creativity withered under the weight of his expectations. Eventually, he realized he couldn’t force himself to write, but the blame left him exhausted and feeling more trapped than ever.
Version 2: the Awareness of Emotion arrow
Elliot sat in his small apartment, feeling the familiar knot of anxiety in his chest. Instead of blaming himself, he paused and acknowledged the discomfort. “It’s okay to feel this way,” he thought, allowing the feelings to wash over him without judgment.
He decided to take a break from writing. First, he stepped outside for a walk, letting the fresh air clear his mind. As he strolled, he noticed the vibrant colors of autumn leaves and the laughter of children playing nearby. Feeling more grounded, he returned home and called a friend, sharing his feelings of anxiety. The conversation brought him comfort and reminded him he wasn’t alone.
Finally, he settled onto the couch and practiced deep breathing, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly. By accepting his anxiety rather than fighting it, Elliot found a renewed sense of calm and clarity. In that space, he knew that the words would come when they were ready.
Analysis
I’d suggest that when we know how to “fix” the problem that’s causing the suffering, we should fix it. For example, if the problem is a stone in one’s shoe – remove the stone!
However, if we can’t immediately fix the problem – which is true of many of the problems we worry about – then acceptance of suffering is a more realistic approach. Acceptance of suffering helps by renarrativizing Elliot’s experience, allowing Elliot to draw on emotional resources and knowledge such as calling a friend, going for a walk, breathing deeply, or just allowing reality to be the way it is.
Anxiety is more frequent in modern humans due to our spending so much time in LL states, spending less time in DHR states, and experiencing alienation. Therefore, this anxiety can seem unacceptable, leading to more anxiety. Hunter gatherers would have been able to accept the relatively low level of anxiety that they commonly experienced, so acceptance of anxiety is itself DHR.
Chapter 3: Anger (Negative Impulse) Control. In this chapter, Donohue et al. suggest an intervention for anger that includes: (1) deliberate thought stopping by saying “stop!”, (2) applying an reasoning arrow by acknowledging negative consequences of anger and positive consequences of alternative actions, and (3) relaxation techniques (the Awareness of the Body arrow). I would argue that these maneuvers are meant to take the person out of an anger sink and into a nexus state. It seems to me that saying “stop” acts as a very simple arrow – one which likely is inadequate by itself, but may be helpful in conjunction with the other techniques.
[1] William T. O’Donohue and Jane E. Fisher, Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Applying Empirically Supported Techniques in Your Practice.
Nexus State Theory 