Attention to People

Attending to humans is the basis of interpersonal self-improvement – a topic we will later discuss in terms of a journaling exercies. It’s necessary to take the “me” out of our perception of others. We have to perceive them rather than us – but that can be challenging. It’s very human to interpret other people’s words in light of our own thoughts and feelings. We may “filter out” everything they say that doesn’t match our self-narratives or preconceptions.

Attention brings us to the present moment, where we can listen to what another person is saying right here, right now. We can attend to this person’s words as we hear them, and we accept their words as having positive valence. We are interested and curious about what they have to say, so we listen carefully.

“You” rather than “me / us”

Social media is an example of attention to “me” and “us.” Social media “likes” have a “me” focus, and fitting in with others on social media has an “us” focus. I also care about “my ideas” on social media. All of this makes social media a less-than-ideal object of attention for dealing with anxious self-thoughts and addictive values. When attending to another person, it helps to attend to “you” rather than to “me” and “us.” This idea is inspired by Martin Buber’s work “I and Thou.”

Attention to real people, then, can be done in a “me / us” way or a “I-Thou” way. The “me” way is that you remind me of me. I think of how I want to get you to do certain things; or I may judge myself based on your accomplishments. When attending to people in an “I-Thou” way, both you and I are present. My thoughts and feelings are a reflection of both me and you in an irreducibly complex way. Although I’ve said that meditation isn’t about people, the deeper idea is that meditation isn’t about self-narratives or addictive values. So listening to “you” is similar to meditative attention. Attention to others can also be an act of kindness, compassion, or love, since people appreciate being listened to.

Limitations of Categorizing People

In this section and the next, we will also discuss the attempt to understand people via categories. Categories are poor tools for deep understanding, because they reduce humans to a small number of options (introvert / extrovert). These categories are less about “you” and more about “me” – they are facets of my framework for understanding the world. As we’ve discussed, there is a temptation to universalize connection – the thought that there is one approach that always works.

Let’s consider attachment theory: everyone, we are told, belongs to one group: anxious, secure, or avoidant. Having three categories is, perhaps, better than having one category – it’s better than thinking “everyone is exactly like me.” But it’s still not that great. When we know people personally, we realize that we cannot easily classify them; categories are something we use for people we don’t know that well. So on the whole, categories are barriers to genuine understanding.

Attention as an Exchange of Information

I’d like to propose a concept of “generalized information” in human interactions. This includes verbal information that is transmitted but also body language and speaking through actions. Generalized information include:

Words, like “I’m going to the store to get some oranges.”
Emotions, like “I’m so happy that you got some oranges at the store.”
Body language, like hungrily leaning toward the oranges.
Actions: holding up the oranges to show you bought them.
Soul, or narratives that provide coherence to the self.

For brevity, I’ll use the word “zell” for generalized information. This is a made-up word that reminds me of the German “Seele” (soul) because at one point I wanted to focus on soul zell; and the name stuck.

Zell are generalized information

Zell are metaphorical particles of communication. They are information exchanged between people and other people – and between people and the world. For example, suppose you are going out to play tennis with your friend. Your friend smiles and says “the weather report looked good for today.” That sends one message – today’s a good day to enjoy the sunny weather. On the other hand, suppose she rolls her eyes and says “the weather report looked good for today.” That’s a totally different message – maybe the day has been rainy nonstop. If zell were just words, the two messages would have the same zell. But there are also zell in your friend’s facial expression that make the difference between the two messages. So “zell” encompasses both explicit and implicit messages.

Zell can be physical (body zell), rational (mind zell), emotional (heart zell), active (action zell), and narrative (soul zell). In the weather story, the friend’s smile or eye roll was body zell and her assertion about the weather report was mind zell. The warm or sarcastic emotion that went along with these two was heart zell. When she chooses to stay inside or go out, she’s communicating with action zell. Soul zell is about values – perhaps the friend communicated that she values playing tennis with you by showing that she likes the sun and hates the rain.

Attending to zell means recognizing and receiving the information in the present moment. You do this by looking at your friend’s face and listening to her words. Attending to zell builds connection, understanding, and presence in human interactions. Developing sensitivity to Zell improves relationships, self-awareness, and empathy.

Why we need a concept of “zell” or “generalized information”

The idea of zell or generalized information matters because communication is more than words—includes posture, tone, emotions, and values. We can contrast this with conventional information.

Typically, we think of conventional information as being objective, explicit, rational, factual. The problem is that many truths are subjective, emotional, or unconscious.

* Implicit communication involves subtext in art, literature, and conversation. For example a painting might use symbolism – and the gestures or body positions of the people in the painting – to hint at a meaning.

* Subjective truths involve emotions or personal experiences. My perspective is that subjective truths are often partial truths that take emotions into account in order to decide what is relevant. For example, if we feel that someone has acted rightly or wrongly, we might piece together bits of evidence to support one side or the other; the collection of evidence is mediated by our emotions and our values.

* Sensory awareness: this might include mindfulness of breath, posture, and presence. A person’s mere presence or absence could signal a kind of zell. Sartre notes that we can walk into a room and perceive an “absence of Pierre” if we expected Pierre to be there, but he isn’t.

This framework reinforces that emotions, sensations, and subjective insights do count as generalized information or zell. Examples include:

A novel hinting at cultural expectations through dialogue.
Meditation as a way of collecting “generalized information” about one’s own body and mind.
Observing another person’s mood through body language and tone of voice.

Another reason to talk about zell as “metaphorical particles of information” is that it frames communication as “ink mode” – that is, a mode of relating to narratives in which they are “just ink on paper” rather than representing real events. If we view zell as the “ink on the paper” of communication, then we can dereify communication (my words are not me, your words are not you). My words come from me but they aren’t me. That’s important: the point of “I and Thou” isn’t that you and I are in direct contact. If we thought that, then we’d feel attacked whenever our words are attacked. We’d think that you are a mean-spirited person whenever your words seem mean-spirited. But if we view words in “ink mode” then we realize that we don’t have to identify with the words’ story. Our communication is not direct self-to-self communication; it is mediated by words: “I-Zell-Thou.” These words are valuable – but they are not me and they are not you.

Types of Zell

There are five types of human-centered zell:

Mind Zell: includes thoughts, reasoning, and intellectual ideas. When someone makes a verbal statement of any kind, it contains some mind zell. It may contain other types of zell, too.
Heart Zell: includes emotions, feelings, and moods. This is often wrapped together with mind zell. If someone says “I love you,” it’s both a factual statement (mind zell) and an expression of feeling (heart zell).
Body Zell: includes physical cues, gestures, posture, and tone of voice. If someone is hunched over and looking down, they’re communicating body zell, and they may be using the body zell to communicate heart zell (“I’m feeling sad.”)
Action Zell: this refers to any action that communicates something. (“Actions speak louder than words,” it is said.)
Soul Zell: this is about narratives. Communicating soul zell means saying “here are some ideas that I find to explain myself.”

A sixth type of zell is world zell. This is information from objects, nature, or the environment. For example: the taste of water or the feel of sunlight on one’s skin.

Finally, there is self-directed zell – the kind that you experience in the Self-Scan Exercise or in meditation. This means attending to one’s own mind, emotions, body, actions, and soul. When you appreciate an activity without telling anyone, you are experiencing self-directed zell. Meditation is a practice for observing self-directed body zell (e.g., breath zell – the zell of your own breath.)

“Emptying the Cup”

The following story comes from 101 Zen Stones, first published in 1919 by Rider and Company, London, and David McKay Company, Philadelphia. (See: https://terebess.hu/zen/shaseki-shu.html)

“Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912) received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.

Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. ‘It is overfull. No more will go in!’

‘Like this cup,’ Nan-in said. ‘You are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

The professor must empty his cup in order to properly attend to Nan-in and to receive his zell and to engage in discussion with Nan-in. Receiving zell, then, may require humility and receptivity. In the story, connecting deeply means setting aside ego, distraction, and preconceptions in order to be attentive.

In a later section, this idea will lead to the idea of “contingency,” the state of openness and responsiveness in communication.